Change to sole authority, what are the chances?

Questioner

My ex and I have been separated for about 6 years. There has always been trouble, poor communication, lots of arguments, etc. Last year we went through two assistance programs (including mediation), without the desired result. The communication seems to be permanently disrupted. We email back and forth about important matters, but this is mainly accompanied by reproaches, eternal discussions and he invariably opens up new battlegrounds. He criticizes me as a caring parent and mutual trust is clearly absent. Consultation does not lead to agreement. This concerns matters such as the visitation and vacation arrangements, alimony, but also whether or not to follow up, with whom, why, etc. Ex does not see the need for it, prefers to leave things as they are. He generally shows a reluctant attitude to come to (new) agreements. Other communication has been absent for a long time. Our living distances have been considerable for a number of years, father moved, but I never came to change the arrangement with him then either. The objections of daughter (8 years old) to still going back and forth every week are growing. There are several reasons for this. It is now inevitable that she will pick up some of our difficult relationship. I understand the clamping criterion. In my opinion, this is the case. In addition to my own concerns, my father and people from our immediate environment also express their concerns about this. I recognise much of what I have read in case law, but the question is what is sufficient to contribute to a change in the authority. In addition to what I have mentioned above, my daughter is, for example, closed about the home situation with the other parent and because the situation has still not improved, she continues to be confronted with (increasing) tensions, "which can be seen as a risk for the development of the child, if the parents are forced to communicate with each other even more because of joint authority, while they are currently unable to do so." She sleeps badly and is busy coming up with solutions herself, just to keep everyone happy. As parents, we are unable to make agreements about the most basic things, such as contact, sports, holidays and this regularly leads to conflicts. Assistance has not led to any improvement. Because there has already been assistance provided twice and I am not able to reach another assistance trajectory with my father, I can agree with the question of whether it can be expected that change will be possible in the short term. In the short term, it might be possible to reach agreements with a lawyer regarding the visitation rights, alimony, etc. In the long term, however, I fear that it will not solve the problem sufficiently. Given the entire course of events up to now, I have little confidence that we will be able to reach an agreement at a later time, when we are faced with choices again.

Lawyer

Dear questioner, You clearly describe your problem and indicate exactly where the pain is. You also implicitly provide the answer to your question - I suspect you know this too. This is because you have done quite a bit of searching, in which the case law has also been examined. Our office specializes in such cases and I have discussed your question in the team. The outcome is that - thinking a step further than terminating authority - the non-authoritative parent can still claim his care arrangement and therefore also has contact. In that sense, the intended end result (termination of authority) does not really help you. In your case, the judge will undoubtedly push for a contact arrangement. You want that too. If a father does not adhere to a contact arrangement at all and gradually disappears from the life of the minor, a change of authority is a real option. We are available for telephone consultation 0118-640300. Mr. Drs. J. Wouters.