What should I do regarding arranging contact with my ex?

Questioner

I would like to seek legal advice. The questions I have are as follows: - Can a judge refuse recognition or parental authority? -Does a father have more rights if there is already contact? -What is the tactical choice in view of a possible lawsuit? (Stop the contact arrangement or continue it? Keep talking or break off contact?) I prefer not to think like that, but I do not rule out that he will go to court. Below I will further explain my situation. During the planned pregnancy my ex left me at 12 weeks pregnant. I gave him the opportunity to acknowledge during the pregnancy up to 34 weeks (after that I wanted to enjoy my leave carefree until I would go back to work), he did not choose this. This was advised to him by lawyers, I suspect because he would then have a duty to pay alimony. He has indicated that he also wants to have parental authority, I have said 'no' to this from the beginning. This is due to the uncertainties in his life. And relationship in Brazil, no own place of residence and no income. Since my daughter was born, my father has been visiting my house three times a week for a few hours. From about a year onwards, father indicated that he wanted to acknowledge and also wanted contact with his daughter, whereby she would come to him and also sleep. I then indicated that agreements had to be put on paper, so that there would be clarity. We went to a mediator. That process is very difficult and has not yet been completed (there is no recognition and authority). Initially, we could not agree on whether or not to spend the night at father's and we sought advice from an independent child psychologist. She indicated that contact with the father is important and I also think that my child has the right to get to know her father. The child psychologist advised not to sleep at father's, but to visit mother's house twice a week when mother was not allowed to be at home. Father indicated that it felt very uncomfortable for him to be in my house and that he would like to have my daughter at his house twice. As of December 2020, the contact arrangement started, whereby my daughter goes to her father two days a week (without overnight stays). In addition, an agreement has been made about the amount of alimony. Father has not paid to date, because the document has not been signed. He now intends to pay this back retroactively. This is in black and white, but I am curious whether he will actually do this. To me this feels very unpleasant and like a one-way street. I have met many of his wishes, but nothing comes back. Of course I have discussed this several times verbally, by email and during the mediation. Thirdly, we disagreed on the form of the document in which the agreements are recorded. Father wants an A4 with short agreements. I want a parenting plan. In the end, I agreed to an agreement document, but the mediator indicated that he missed many points, so now we are working with a parenting plan after all. In addition, there is one last and most important point that we cannot agree on. The child psychologist has advised not to sleep with father until the age of 4. Father now wants the parenting plan to include up to 4 years. His reason is that the plan is valid for one year. I have indicated that I do not agree with this. This is non-negotiable from my point of view. If I record this now, I feel that I have lost my rights and the advice is being ignored. He is now going to think about what he wants to do with this. I fear that if we do not find an agreement in the agreements, he will go to court where the father will demand both recognition and parental authority and will also receive this. What am I wise to do?

Lawyer

Only if the judge finds it in the interest of the child, parental authority can be established jointly. This depends on the facts and circumstances. Furthermore, if the father wants to establish to what extent he is the father of the child, the judge will allow this determination in most cases, because it is in the interest of the child to know who the father is. You can achieve the most through mediation, which allows you to continue talking to each other