Legal Assistance with Visitation Arrangements - Ask Now

Questioner

In short: My ex has an arrangement here for our children aged 2 and 1. He has been coming 2 hours a week for a year because I said then that they could only come along when contact was established here. There was a court case last week and the verdict was: He will come here 3 more times and I also have to go there 3 times (3 hours). He lives 45 minutes away from here. I have only been there once with the children. Those 3 times my mother has to bring me and wait 3 hours and vice versa, he is also brought by his mother (He is in debt restructuring). After those 6 weeks the children will sleep over for the first time, one day every other week. Then the judge also wants us to take turns driving, so we bring them and they bring them back the next day. After 3 months the official arrangement starts and they want to do this too, my mother is then obliged to bring them again every weekend or pick them up, This is the verdict of the judge but my mother had not given permission for this. Is this mandatory? Our parents were not at the trial and this was decided quickly.

Lawyer

In your case, the judge's starting point is that you will be responsible for picking up and dropping off the children. If your mother cannot or does not want to drive, you will remain responsible for the pick-up and drop-off that is your responsibility. The interests of the children are paramount and you must serve that together. I understand that it is difficult for both you and your ex because you cannot drive. However, the starting point is that, except in exceptional cases, the interests of the children are served by regular contact with both parents. Difficult or not, for the benefit of the children you must work together to ensure that this goes well.

Lawyer

Your mother does not need to give permission for this. The judge will make a decision that is valid between the parents. This does indeed mean that you will have to pick up and/or drop off yourself if your mother is no longer able or willing to do so. If you disagree with this decision, you can, however, appeal against it. If you wish, you can contact me.

Questioner

The judge knows that I cannot drive myself or take the train due to severe hyperventilation and panic attacks. How does that work? Should she still say that my mother should also drive with the official arrangement while she actually cannot do that also due to health reasons?

Lawyer

Without access to the procedural documents, I cannot answer the question you are now asking. Apparently, the judge saw reason to reach this verdict. The grounds for this will have to be read in the order. Given the fact that you apparently disagree with this verdict, I advise you to discuss this with your own or another lawyer and to consider whether it is advisable to appeal against this verdict of the court.

Lawyer

In answer to your question: the main rule is that both parents must make an equal effort to establish the contact arrangement and make it a success. If we were to take on such a case as a lawyer, our attention would be focused on the special circumstances that mean that in this specific case you cannot reasonably be expected to pick up and drop off. In that case, it must be explained why it cannot be expected that your mother will do this. If you have any questions, please contact me or one of the members of our family law section.