What are your rights when recognizing the child?

Questioner

Last year in June 2015 I got pregnant by my boyfriend at the time. It was not an accident, we both deliberately had unsafe sex because the idea of ​​a child together appealed to us. We had also signed for a rental home together and I had already cancelled my home. I got pregnant at short notice, and he went back on his decision and said he was not ready for a child and pushed for an abortion. I chose my daughter who will be born in about 3 weeks. We had arguments about that, but also the fact that I found out that he lied about many things, such as cheating on previous exes and I saw that he focused more on women than on the fact that I was pregnant. And for me the trust was gone. Because of the arguments he cancelled the house, which left me without a home, because my apartment had already been cancelled, and during the pregnancy I was forced to look for a home at short notice. I didn't hear from him again until a month and a half later when he sent me a message saying he wanted to get in touch and play a role after all, otherwise he would fight for it and take legal action. I tried to build a bond of trust by asking him to come to the important, extensive 19-week ultrasound, which he initially refused. After insisting, he went anyway. I asked him if he wanted to help pay for things I had bought for the baby, which he refused. Then he lied about a few things again, we had arguments about it, and he broke off contact again. Until the day before yesterday, 2 weeks before the birth, around the last week of February. He sent me an email demanding to know how it went, wanting to play a role and making a series of accusations. First of all, immediately after he pushed for an abortion at the time and I was left without a home, I contacted a social worker, a life coach and then a therapist with whom I requested an EMDR trajectory to process this whole event in a proper way so that my unborn child would not suffer from it during and after the pregnancy and she could safely attach after the pregnancy without any stress factors that could have played a role. I had also determined, together with the help of the coaches, how I wanted to relate to the situation. And that is to accept that I will become a single mother, and to let her attach as safely as possible without interference from the progenitor, who I see as a stress factor because of his erratic, unreliable and disrespectful behavior, and in that I do not need any financial support from him. Now I notice that I have become extremely stressed by his email, while I actually need rest until and after the birth. I absolutely do not want to give her to a 'stranger' who initially pushed for an abortion and, apart from accompanying me to an ultrasound scan at the time, did not support me at all emotionally, practically or financially during my pregnancy, as well as for a number of other reasons. I would like to know what my rights are with regard to preventing the recognition of my daughter through legal steps that he might take.

Lawyer

He cannot acknowledge the baby without your consent. If you refuse to acknowledge and he wishes to have his paternity established, he can start a procedure at the court to obtain substitute consent to acknowledge. In that procedure, you will be given the opportunity to defend yourself against that request. If it should come to that, it is wise for you to hire a lawyer who can then defend yourself in that procedure on your behalf.

Questioner

How likely is it that a judge will approve recognition at his request? What does the judge take into account? I read stories about how even in cases of abuse of the mother during pregnancy and no family life, the judge would approve recognition and therefore a contact arrangement was mandatory. To what extent and how is this viewed and assessed by the judge?

Lawyer

The court can, if he requests the court to do so, grant him substitute permission to acknowledge the baby after all. The court will not do so if this would harm your interests as a mother in an undisturbed relationship with the child or would jeopardize a balanced socio-psychological and emotional development of the child. Thus the text of article 204 paragraph 3 of Book 1 of the Civil Code. The mere fact that you do not want him to acknowledge the baby is therefore insufficient for the court to refuse to grant substitute consent. This is because it is considered of great importance in law that children know from whom they descend. There must therefore be one of the aforementioned contraindications to withhold substitute consent from the man. It is up to you and your lawyer to invoke the existence of these contraindications and to substantiate them. A contact arrangement will have to be requested separately by the man. This will not automatically be determined by the court. Here too, if the father of the baby files a request for this, you will have to substantiate why there should be no contact between father and child. More will have to be argued for this than the fact that he apparently wanted an abortion and that he did not support you. This is in view of the fact that he has indicated that he does want to play a role in the baby's life. In view of the fact that the baby has yet to be born and will soon still be very young and vulnerable, it will not simply be judged that he can simply take the baby with him. Of course, you as parents will also have to be able to come to agreements together and he will have to demonstrate that he is reliable in this. I certainly see grounds for you to successfully oppose any requests for recognition and/or contact by the man in court.

Questioner

Thank you very much for your response.