Question about care notification? Get free advice!

Questioner

Can I, as a parent in the Netherlands, become a 'victim' of a care report to the General Child Protection Reporting Point (AMK), the Youth Care Bureau (BJZ) or the Child Protection Council (RvK) by my doctor or psychiatrist if I tell him in confidence about my SM preference and practice? And will an investigation follow? And am I obliged to cooperate? To give you an idea: we have a nice and close family and the children don't know/notice anything about our BDSM preference. Suppose it is not allowed and it happens anyway. What are my rights then?

Lawyer

Dear questioner, Everything you discuss with a doctor is confidential and may not in principle be reported to any agency. If a doctor does so, he commits a criminal offence. There are a few exceptions and one of them is reporting to, for example, the AMK in the event of suspected child abuse. Based on what you state, you do not abuse your (and I assume other) children and if that is true, there is therefore at first sight no reason for any report. Incidentally, the concept of child abuse has been expanded. It now also includes abuse of parents/guardians of each other in the home where the children are staying, even when the children are not present, or 'do not see or notice'. If things get really rough during your activities, the children might still pick up on something and that might then qualify as child abuse. Incidentally, I have never come across such a case. I assume you are the best judge of this yourself. If it does come to a report, the doctor will also discuss the intention to do so with you, after which the AMK will be called in. If that decides to conduct a further investigation, then failure to cooperate could lead to intervention by child protection, youth care and reporting of a criminal offence. The person being investigated has varying rights and obligations with all these different agencies. Consulting a lawyer is then advisable. Incidentally, you can also ask the AMK for advice yourself, anonymously if necessary. Good luck.

Questioner

bdsm in my opinion does not fall under abuse because it is done with mutual consent and it is not about inflicting serious injuries, but about a whipping session every now and then. It does not take place at home, but outside. I have spoken to my psychiatrist about it and I cannot imagine that he can report it to youth care, for example, without any reason to do so - we are a close and nice family.

Questioner

Thank you for your answer. Would you also like to respond to my response? That would be very nice. We are involved in a heated discussion about this. I think it is a bad thing if parents no longer dare to talk openly about their SM needs with a psychiatrist, if they feel the need to do so, for fear of having the youth care services on their backs. I have stated that it is not possible just like that, except in the case of: child abuse; domestic violence; and if someone poses a danger to themselves or their environment. Thanks again in advance.

Lawyer

Dear questioner, It seems to me that if the sessions and everything connected with them take place outside, or are located outside, there will not be any quick talk of actions that are reportable to the AMK. The doctor's professional secrecy will prevail. As everything in law, the assessment ultimately depends on all the circumstances of the case. As reported, you can assess it yourself first.

Questioner

Very last question about it if I may: Woman does bdsm, her partner doesn't. They get divorced at some point. The man brings up that the woman does bdsm. Father has now been granted custody and mother is allowed to see the children under supervision, to prevent the children from being (BEING) confronted with mother's lifestyle. Is this allowed if her BDSM preference is the only thing she can be blamed for?

Lawyer

That too depends on all the circumstances of the case. It seems to me that if the preference is truly the only one and is practiced completely out of sight of the children, a good divorce/family lawyer will make mincemeat of a custody arrangement such as the one you describe. It is therefore advisable to find such a lawyer. Good luck.

Questioner

and the children were not inconvenienced in any way?

Questioner

Thanks again for all the quick responses. Very nice. This was a discussion on bdsm matters (under the title: research BDSM and assistance) I operate there under the name rasa and no longer have children living at home. In fact, during the time that we raised our daughter, I completely put the bdsm thing aside. I did not want to combine the two. I think it's a shame that people who read the discussion get the idea that you can't talk about your SM feelings with a counselor, without it being on your plate sooner or later and therefore perhaps being left alone with it. Hence my fierceness. As long as your children are not affected by it, nothing will come out, I understand from your words and I had already thought so myself.